


Wishing on Stars We'll Never Get To

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: First Kiss, Getting Together, Long-Distance Relationship, Multi, Other, Running Away, Stars, kind of??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 01:52:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10776975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: Ever since he was a child, and he used to watch his mother hang the stars in the sky every night, Alexander used to wonder what it was like to be there. He stared at the dazzling constellations with fascinated eyes and pointed them out with James until they fell asleep at their shared bedroom window creating stories behind each star.





	Wishing on Stars We'll Never Get To

**Author's Note:**

> au where weather is the same everywhere, timezones don't exist, and science is just Not a thing that happens

Ever since he was a child, and he used to watch his mother hang the stars in the sky every night, Alexander used to wonder what it was like to be there. He stared at the dazzling constellations with fascinated eyes and pointed them out with James until they fell asleep at their shared bedroom window creating stories behind each star.  
  
His mother told him he would inherit the stars from her one day, that when his time came and it was time for her to pass down the legacy she created, he would go and create one of his own. Alex never believed her, thought she was making up stories to give him something to believe in, to make the stars only that more beautiful, but when she died and Alexander found himself staring down at the world through galaxies below him, he understood that she was telling the truth.  
  
Becoming the stars every night was like existing everywhere at once. Alexander could feel the stars as though they were his nerve endings, each one standing on end. He knows where each of them are, senses it, can move them without trying and feels as they shift in existence. He breathes and it's like the stars have wrapped around his lungs and he's dazzling from the inside out.  
  
The stars, however, do not rule alone. There has to be someone to pull the darkness across the sky to allow Alexander to shine, and that person is the night. That person is Lafayette.  
  
Lafayette stepped into Alexander's life with an understanding of their job and acceptance of what it would entail. They knew what they were doing as soon as they were put to it, lacking any of the confusion and wonder that Alexander still had in abundance. They would pull the night across the sky and talk to Alexander, about their life in France, and they would stay together until morning came.  
  
Lafayette inherited this position, like Alexander, but the night had been passed down to them for generations, through blood, like a crown. They're regal and wealthy and everything Alexander was not. They had a huge family waiting for them when they went back in the morning, and Alexander had nothing like that, wishes he had something like that. 

  
The first time they met, the night dark and the stars barely shining, they were both twelve years old. Lafayette was shorter than Alex with dark curly hair cut short to their shoulders, a suit dark like midnight that aged them and made them look much older than they were. They liked to dance around Alexander's stars, poke them until they got them to move and see how Alexander reacted.  
  
As they grew older, Lafayette's hair got longer. They switched between fancier suits and ball gowns and dresses as dark as the night that they controlled. They grew out of their lanky frame and their sharp angles into muscles and strong features, a masterpiece made in the image of a human being.  
  
Alexander always thought Lafayette should be the stars instead of him. Their smile alone shined brighter than any star Alexander has power over, their laugh enough to put entire galaxies to shame. They wore diamond jewelry almost exclusively, rings and necklaces and bracelets that made them look like they were covered in the universe itself, the stones glittering like Alexander put them there himself.  
  
"Do you always wear things like this?" Alex asked, fiddling with the watch with diamonds set into the bezel. "In France, I mean."  
  
"Sometimes," they responded. "I don't dress like I do here back home often, _Alexandre_ ."  
  
Alex laughed, Lafayette's eyes glimmering like stars as they watched him. "No shit. You think I dress like this on Nevis? I don't even have a suit on Nevis." Lafayette sighed.  
  
"I wish you would come to France. Then I could give you everything you deserve, I can certainly afford it, and you would never have to work a day in your life again."  
  
"I like to work, Lafayette, I have to. You know that," Alex mumbled. Lafayette tapped one of the stars in the ring around Alex's head and he shivered, felt it.  
  
Alexander would move to France if Lafayette really wanted him to. Alexander is half convinced he would do anything if Lafayette really wanted him to. It's dangerous, the lengths he would go to, but he can't help it. Lafayette was beautiful, a cosmic collision of everything amazing in the world, and Alexander is just something to bring light to Lafayette's sky.  
  
Sometimes Alex wondered if this happened often. If the stars were supposed to fall in love with their sky, if this was all some game made to hurt Alexander when morning came and he had to say goodbye. Maybe it was fate, and when Alexander became the stars, they aligned to make Alexander fall so deeply in love that he will never return from it.  
  
In the summer, Lafayette pranced back into the sky, twirling on Alex's stars, grinning. The skirt of their dress spinned around them, showing their legs and Alexander pretended not to look. He watched them with fascinated eyes as they knelt down next to him and kissed him on the cheek.  
  
"I've done it, Alexander! I've found the love of my life!" They yelled, and Alexander's heart stopped. The stars dimmed, almost to nothingness, and it felt as though Alex was trapped in a vacuum he couldn't escape.  
  
The girl who is lucky enough to love Lafayette and be loved in return was named Adrienne, but Alexander only knew her as evening. She was the bright orange and pink sky that Alex stared at, waiting for it to pass so that he could see Lafayette again that night. She never mattered much to him, but she mattered to Lafayette, and that made something _stick_ .  
  
Their time together was cut short every day, limited to mornings and afternoons and Alex didn't understand how they could live like that. Lafayette always talked about how they were going to spend every waking second with the person they fell in love with, would give up their crown for it even if it was not their time. Alex understood that part, never said anything about how them being together would be perfect, they rule together, could spend every moment together without interruption. He loved them so much, why didn't they _see that_ ?  
  
Alexander was grateful, however, for the fact that he would never have to meet Adrienne. They lived in different times, on different continents, and Alexander would never have to face the woman who put her own light in Lafayette's eyes in a way Alex couldn't, even with galaxies at his disposal.  
  
From then on, the nights were shorter, so much so that Alex found himself still shining when the morning, John, came in. John was sweet and bright and never rushed Alex, sat there and let him leave when he was ready. They talked about everything in the short time they existed together and Alex found that John was the only thing that would help ease the pain of his heartbreak.  
  
Lafayette talked about her _constantly_ . The way she laughed, her smile, the way she walked. Her clothes, her lips, her arms, legs, the curve of her waist, the way she eats strawberries. Everything Lafayette saw in her, Alex knew about. He hated it. He hated hearing about it and how fond they sounded, like the love they had for her was filling their body to maximum capacity and they had to say something or they'd explode.  
  
Alexander understood that, has many a time written poems and papers and paragraphs filled with how much he loved Lafayette. He had three journals full of things like that hidden in a box under his bed where nobody would think to look. He went down to the beach and talked to himself about it when he knows nobody will hear.  
  
He ran away from Lafayette, across their sky, bounding across his stars, until the silence of the night consumed him and the darkness left a chasm in their heart that he couldn't fix. He can't handle it, how it suffocates him, could never handle what it felt like to hold the night on his shoulders alone. Tears slip down his face and land as stars somewhere over Italy.  
  
"Alex," Lafayette whispered, but Alex didn't respond, kept crying even though he knew he should stop. They sighed and sat down next to him, pulled Alex into their arm and waited until morning with him.  
  
The sun rose and Alex woke up in his bed, the ghost of Lafayette's arms still wrapped around him.  
  
The hurricane hit so late in the evening that Alex only half recognized what was going on. He was slipping into the night, but he could still feel the rain pounding against his bedroom window and James screamed, tried to get him to move, but he was no longer there.  
  
"Alex, are you alright?" Lafayette asked. Alex paced back and forth tears in his eyes, hands combing through his hair hard enough to rip it out.  
  
"Hurricane," he choked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Hurricane, _l'ouragan_ , it's here. It's in Nevis. It's happening and I can't do anything to fix it, Lafayette, how do I fix it? What do I do?"  
  
"I don't think this is something you can fix, _mon cher_ , I'm sorry."  
  
Alexander stared as the hurricane tore through his home, ripping his life apart, unable to do anything and helpless to fix it. He couldn't go back, couldn't leave the night, trapped in the darkness that he wouldn't return from for hours, that up until this moment was never a bad thing. Now, it couldn't be worse.  
  
He can still feel what his body is doing on earth, can hear the faint sound of glass shattering and rain coming down harder, flooding the room as fast as it fell. His skin stung as the rain hit him, like pin pricks, until his skin went numb from it. James was trying to pull him away from the room, to hide somewhere they wouldn't drown, but he couldn't lift him and Alex couldn't move.   
  
"I think I'm dying," Alex said, water pouring out of his mouth like a flood. His lungs filled with it, choking him, James screamed in his ear but nothing could save him. Alexander fell, collapsing down in front of Lafayette, who ran to him, already crying.  
  
"Alex!"  
  
"I-I don't know if I'll be here tomorrow. I don't know if I'm going to make it," he coughed, water spilling from his mouth. His hands shook as he made a desperate attempt to try and catch it, waterfalls pouring between his fingers.  
  
"Don't say that, please. Tomorrow, the sun is going to rise and you're going to see it. You're not going to drown and you're not going to die." They were sobbing but tried to wipe their tears before Alex saw it. "Please don't die."  
  
"I'm sorry, Lafayette, but I think your stars are going out."  
  
He woke up underwater, and for a moment he was grateful he woke up at all. He swam to the surface, gasping for air, arms and legs flailing for purchase on nothing. People screamed around him, fighting for the same breath that he's grasping to catch again. Others were crying, trying to find their families in a sea of bodies, only some of which were still alive.  
  
His clothes were soaked, his hair matted to his head from being whipped around by the water, but he didn't care. The sky was bright orange above him, the sun just rising, and the promise that Alexander would continue being Lafayette's stars the only thing on his mind.  
  
Lafayette's dress was made of soft velvet, and they smelled like vanilla and expensive perfume as they wrapped their arms around Alexander so tight that he felt like he was drowning all over again. Their tear drops fell into his hair as  they whispered in French their gratitude that he lived, but the sound of Alex's heart beating from how close they were pressed against each other kept Alexander from being able to translate most of it, but it didn't matter, as long as he was here with them.  
  
"I thought I would never be able to see your face again. I thought that you would die and someone else would take your place and I would have to give up my crown. You are one of the best parts of my life; I wouldn't be able to stand it if you died."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Of course! I was so scared all day, I even had Adrienne pacing over it."  
  
"You tell Adrienne about me?" Alex's voice came out muffled into the fabric of their dress. They laughed and pulled him away, kissed him on the forehead and didn't know how much it killed him.  
  
"Alexander, you are my stars. You are why my night sky is so beautiful. I do not exist without you."  
  
Their lips were two inches away, a fatal territory that Alex could never pass, but he _wanted to_ . Alex just wanted to kiss them, to be able to love them without feeling guilty, to fucking see them in broad daylight and marvel at the way the sun caught on their features. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with them, all these years spending every night with them, he wants a thousand more. He wants a lifetime, a century, an eternity, to have the love he felt for Lafayette be returned to him.  
  
Sadly though, Alexander's life was not the dream world he pictures it as. Him and Lafayette lived on different continents, where in one Lafayette was steps away from royalty, and in the other, Alexander's home was just destroyed. Lafayette loved someone else and she was amazing and wonderful and perfect in all ways. Alexander had a brother who might be dead and guardians who barely cared about whether he was alive or not.  
  
Fate already blessed Alex by having them meet Lafayette, she would be a fool to be that generous.  
  
"I think it works the other way around, Laf. You wouldn't be able to see me if you weren't here to let me shine," he said.  
  
"The sun still shines when I am not here," they pointed out, sitting down but still hugging him.  
  
"Yeah, but the sun is different, that's just one star. I am galaxies and nebulas, entire universes that you allow to be noticed just by being here."  
  
"You are so beautiful," they whispered. Alex could feel their eyes on him, but he refused to look. He wasn't going to ruin anything, he couldn't.  
  
"I think I want to move," is what he told them instead of turning, and saw out of the corner of their eye the surprised look on their face.  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"I mean, my home is destroyed, the place I used to work is out of business because the building it used to be in is no longer in the ground because of the hurricane, and I have no family left there. My brother, if he's even _alive_ , is planning to leave soon anyway, so I might as well. I don't want to be trapped on the island my entire life, y'know? I want to go somewhere that you'd actually be able to find on a map."  
  
Lafayette tucked a piece of Alexander's hair behind his ear. "If you don't mind me asking, how do you plan to do this?"  
  
"I'll save up. I'll get a new job, somewhere with a strong foundation so it didn't get swept away by flooding, and I'll get on a plane and move."  
  
"That sounds a bit unrealistic," they remarked.  
  
"Well, unrealistic is all I have right now. I'm being fueled solely on dreams, Lafayette."  
  
"Okay, then I'll entertain this. Where are you going to go from there?"  
  
"New York, probably. I used to hear stories about New York when I was younger, but we never had enough money to go. Now, I'm going to see it, and I'm going to make it mine."  
  
Lafayette laughed. "I would love to see what you do with it."  
  
"Come with me, then," Alex offered, heart pounding out of his chest. Why would he say that? God, he was such an idiot.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I would love for you to come with me. You're the warmest company I've had, and you've been my best friend for years now. I don't know what's going to happen but I want to be with you for it." Alexander hoped his blushing was hidden by the darkness in the night, and not illuminated by the stars around his head.  
  
"You know I would love that, and I have dreamed of going to New York for many years, but my Adrienne has no interest in it. She wants to stay home in France like she has her whole life, and I have to respect that."  
  
"No disrespect to Adrienne, because she sounds amazing truly, but you can't let your love for her stop you from doing the things you want. She loves you but she doesn't control you, or at least she shouldn't, and I don't mean to sound rude but-"  
  
"It's not like that. I don't just love her."  
  
"Then what is it?" He snapped.  
  
"We're getting married," Lafayette muttered, staring at Alexander, but looking away as all the stars dimmed at once.  
  
"You're what?" He choked, trying not to cry and failing. He scrambled away from them, standing until they were a fair distance apart.  
  
"Me and Adrienne are getting married, and that is why I cannot move to America with you. I will have family obligations and they are not the kinds of things I can just skip out on. I'm sorry, Alexander." They tried to reach out to him but Alex kept moving back.  
  
"Why, why wouldn't you tell me? How did you, why would you not let me know about this?"  
  
"I didn't want you to be upset!"  
  
Alexander's heart all but stopped. "What?"  
  
"I know how you feel. I've known for a long time, they said, slow and gentle. "And I didn't want to hurt you."  
  
"So this whole time, you knew that I was in love with you? Was you telling me every detail of your relationship with Adrienne, when you would say how you would someone else in your life, your way of letting me down easy? Were you just trying to detach yourself from me as soon as possible?" He sobbed, watched as tears pooled in Lafayette's eyes and didn't find it in him to feel sorry.  
  
"I'm sorry, Alex. I'm so sorry."  
  
"Please, just, don't. I'm sorry, and I love you, but please don't do this to me, not tonight."  
  
Alex knew that Lafayette could feel the night like he could feel the stars. He knew that they could tell where he was by the feeling of the atmosphere of the stars alone, and he knew that despite this, they didn't seek him out. They let him cry in peace and wonder how he was going to face them the next night.  
  
He was half asleep when Lafayette left, far too early for sunrise but they didn't care. Alex could feel the warmth of their lips on his forehead, but he didn't remember them kissing him.  
  
"Alex? What are you still doing here?" John questioned, curly hair and bright eyes shining into Alexander's vision.  
  
"Lafayette left early, I don't know. How are you?" Alex wanted to avoid the question as to why Lafayette was gone at four in the fucking morning, and talking about John's life was both interesting and a convenient way to do that.  
  
John smiled, jumped on his toes. "I met Hercules last night."  
  
"Really? What happened?"  
  
"I love him so much, Alex. I could never, in a million years, imagine how much I love him. He's so beautiful and kind and he's so _bright_ ."  
  
Alex snorted. "He's the sun, John, no shit he's bright."  
  
"Well yeah, but I never imagined that he'd actually be this bright in person. He was chosen for reason, obviously," he remarked. "How are things with Lafayette?" His eyebrows furrowed when Alex groaned.  
  
"Bad. So bad. I don't even want to talk about it, which is okay because I'm fading," he said, phasing in and out of the sky and his bed on earth.  
  
"Good morning, Alexander."  
  
"Goodnight, John."  
  
Alex wanted nothing more than to be alone the next night, to stay as far away from Lafayette as possible. He wanted to hide where the stars were dense, where every exhaling breath felt like someone was listening, like someone was there. He could sit there for hours in silence and never notice the fact that Lafayette was even there, as long as they didn't try and find him.  
  
It turns out Lafayette didn't have to try and find him. They appeared in front of Alexander in tears, pacing, tripping over their own feet as they moved. Their hands trembled, wringing, babbling to themself for hours on end.  
  
"I can't believe I just left. I didn't even say goodbye, I just left, and for what? I was happy, why couldn't that be enough? Fuck, this is going to have so many consequences. I'm going to have to start over completely, aren't I? Why did I do this?"  
  
"Lafayette?"  
  
"No, no, don't ask that. You know exactly why you did it. Given, it's bad now and even if it works it won't be okay right now because he's not where you're going and he hates you right now but you lo-"  
  
"Lafayette?" Alex repeated, and this time Lafayette stopped. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I ran away. From Adrienne and my family and someone is _going to notice_ . Someone is going to find out and my family is going to call someone else who they know and I'm going to get taken to a special part of the plane where they keep prisoners. As soon as I land they're going to throw me out and then stuff me back on another plane to go back to France and this whole thing with be nothing, it would be worthless."  
  
"What are you talking about? Plane prison?"  
  
"I'm unconscious on that plane Alexander, it could be crashing and I wouldn't even know it."  
  
"Are you going somewhere? What the fuck is happening?"  
  
Lafayette stared at him, chest heaving, tears still dripping down their blank face.  
  
"Lafayette?"  
  
They kissed him, crashing together like the waves of the ocean, stars exploding behind his eyes. Lafayette's hands were still shaking as they cradled Alex's jaw but it was perfect and he melted into it, pulling them closer by the waist. They tasted like wine and toothpaste and Alex can barely breathe, dizzy and in love.  
  
"Right now," they panted, "I'm on a plane to New York City, and you better meet me there as soon as you can, or else I swear to God, I will kill you."  
  
"You're going to New York? I thought, I thought you loved Adrienne. You were getting _married_ , Lafayette, you were going to have a future with her."  
  
Lafayette shook their head, resting their forehead on Alex's. "I love you, Alexander, I've always loved you. You are my stars, I do not exist without you. Adrienne was amazing, but she is not you, and I don't want to have a life with anyone else."  
  
"I love you too," Alex whispered. He wiped his tears carefully, watched as they transformed into stars and then placed them in the crown around his head. Lafayette kissed his forehead, smiled against his skin.  
  
"The dawn is coming," Lafayette smiled, their head in Alex's lap. His fingers combed through their hair, curls soft under his hands.  
  
"I know," Alex responded.  
  
"My plane is going to land soon."  
  
"Will you tell me what it's like tomorrow night?"  
  
Lafayette leaned up and kissed him. "Of course. Come to me as soon as you can, aright? I love you."  
  
"I will, I promise. I love you too."  
  
They kissed, and when Alex woke he was in his bed, morning here, his lips still buzzing, head still in the clouds.  
  
It took almost a year for Alex to get the money he needed, working two jobs just to scrape up enough for a plane ticket. Hundreds of nights spent with Lafayette were dedicated to financial planning and using stars as their own form of abacus. Others were for Lafayette to explain what it was like living in New York, how they'd grown up going to cities but it was nothing like this. They would ask questions about things Alex didn't have answers to but he loved them so much that he tried to think of one, just so they'd be less confused.  
  
"How many more shifts do you have before you can come home to me?" Lafayette questioned. Alex curled further into their side so they wouldn't see his grin.  
  
"None, actually. I'm getting on a plane tomorrow morning and soon I'll be with you, and I'm going to see you in daylight for the first time in seven years."  
  
"Really?" Lafayette yelled, their eyes bright, beaming at him.  
  
"Yes! In thirteen hours, I get to meet you for the first time."  
  
"I hope I can live up to your expectations."  
  
"I hope that I can live up to yours."  
"I love you."  
  
"I love you too.  
  
Alexander's heart pounded in his ears as he got off the airplane, legs wobbling. He deliberately picked a flight that took off right after sunrise and landed in early afternoon, so they would have enough time to actually see each other before night fell.  
  
That's all Alex wanted, really, to see Lafayette in person. He loved nights with them, where they could talk about nothing and everything for hours, but their nights always turned into days, and they always had to say goodbye without wanting to ever leave. Now, now that Alex was doing this, it meant he could spend entire days with them, would never have to leave if he didn't want to. It meant an indefinite amount of time was now his to live with them.  
  
Lafayette came to pick him up at the airport, and they stood there like a deity too beautiful for this existence. The yellow sundress they wore swished as people rushed by them with their suitcases and small children, and they stood on heels that made them much taller than anyone else around. They grinned at him when they saw him, sprinted to him and lifted him off the ground when they collided. They still smelled like vanilla and expensive perfume and it's perfect, _they're_ perfect.  
  
"My Alexander, you're finally here. The love and light of my life, my stars, the only thing I exist for. My dearest, you are finally with me."  
  
Alex scoffed into their shoulder, still being held above the ground, fondness emanating from him.  
  
"Are you always this sappy?"  
  
"Only with you around."  
  
That night, the stars never shined brighter, and Alex couldn't have been happier.

**Author's Note:**

> !!! idk man!!!
> 
> tumblr: lol-phan-af!!


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